her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
