just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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