i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
