People in love make me want to vomit
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
