I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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