I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
