If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
