I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
