after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
