it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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