I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
