your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
