I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
