You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
