is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
