It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
