Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
