He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
