Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
