Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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