too bad you live with your parents still
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
