What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
try to milk me bitch
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