my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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