He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
