i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
