You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
