Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
