allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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