if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
