Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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