He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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