You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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