It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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