Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
