We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
