UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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