so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
