the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I color on your dick again?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
