Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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