ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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