Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
