Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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