remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
