dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
