My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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