I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
