you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
