Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I smell like Dick and happiness
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
