i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
