the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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