I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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