im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My vagina just recognized that song.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
