yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
