How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
