Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
