You really coming over, don't trick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
